The Fallout

Free Write May 24, 2026 8:49AM

The Fall out

Today I would like to go into detail some of the instances within the experience that led to the down fall of some of my roping in of the grouping of the people that I have had to deal with and how a lot of problems landed on my shoulders.

I used to live and go to school in Chicago, the feelings I had attached to the promises that were being made and not always addressed will wash over me in a nostalgic effect, more so now than they have ever done, it haunts me and the people who I imprinted my likeness on to over the past two decades of building up to the achievements of what these promises ended up landing on to enable the mistakes that would turn my future to where I am at now.

When I was turning 17 I was starting to look at schools to further my career in music and production, to which I had an extremely clumsy start to when at 18 I was put on probation for smoking cannabis, there was no break away from the work and I was not given the same start as the rest of my graduating class. That being said I ended up placing directly into my career and being surrounded by several students and professors that would send me through the lessons I was to apply to my personality in attempts to solely foot a career based off of my talent art and music, a feat that would set me and my friends apart from the idea of how that feels today for many at home content creators, while also pushing forward an outdated possibility of stretching talent based opportunities from the past into the future.

It was around 2014 that I had gained access and realized the fossils of other career artists and musicians had taken before me and my late arrival to the entertainment industry and a whole world that was taking place far from my enlightenment and even dissolving away from tangible possibilities that would have aided me in ways that could have even enhanced my life and status of living.

My heart was still living in Michigan while my career opportunities began to unravel and fray at odds ends out in Chicago where I was very much in over my head attempting to become a local and attempting to make the impossible possible.

I wanted to open doors for my friends and family and be the person that they came to for not only connections out in Chicago and beyond but also opportunities that would be available for them long after they would need them to be there.

Today I am not recognized for such efforts let alone mentioned for making such achievements out of my comfort zone, or at all. I currently stand beneath a glass ceiling created by neglect and lies. Completely ignored and snubbed out of the ideas that I attempted to fulfill virtually on my own.

My family has never approved of my cannabis use and is ashamed that one of their favorite family members would ever even consider using it to enhance their quality of life, let alone any/all opportunitites that would open any doors for being the first one through.

Today they have completely ignored me and the problems that I endured and continue to endure today because of their negligence.

This has been one of the biggest problems in my life that, now unfortunately has more loose ends than anyone would ever want to deliver themselves away from. My family believes my cannabis use has been one of, if not, the sole contribution in causing problems.

And I have never once attempted to lay these problems onto another person or ask for help. I now face harsh judgement from loved ones in ways I would never judge them for, because of the position I am in today, homeless, jailed, and alone.

This judgement of negativity now reaches onto people I attempted to bring in onto separate issues that were a result of the main achievements. All the same I am being judged for what I am and not how I carry who I am through daily life. these people will go out of their way to fabricate problems that realistically only exist in their own minds, or at the very least their own connections and choices. And because I am only as empathetic towards the issues I allow overlap or promise in they assume that it can blossom into a wider potential for their own personal use. To which, they have attempted to gatekeep me out of personal components of some of my original dreams and aspirations.

W/o context people do not understand why boundaries have been made and re-addressed, and now even, rebuilt to keep people out of the opportunities that I created and people I have met because of it.

Karma

The cycle of abuse I have attempted to escape from that inspired many dreams and aspirations in my youth has been anything from what I had expected. The health that I created on my own has been the only thing that continues to aid me in my own personal journey, all I wanted to do was to show others easier ways to apply health to their problems big or small as not only a karmic task but also to build trust.

The people that I have faced abuse from seldomly give way to understanding in such a way that grows into the full fledged opportunities that I size them up towards. We just don’t see the same potential, rightfully so, many of them have never seen the same map of the past let alone understand the future of aforementioned opportunities, or the consequences that could result thereof.

It takes a lot to understand everything at an itemized level of comprehension, but going through each and every level of action gives a lot to be desired. It has taught me to be present in the moment and immerse yourself in the challenges, and that they remove their masks and present themselves as they are and the simplicity they require, as shallow as they may be.

Whatever it is, its keeping me from spending time with loved ones in ways that would add to bettering personal one on ones with me and filling out all sorts of potential and great moments. In short there people are cheating themselves out of a wonderful person for shortcuts. And that is the biggest problem and possibly apart of their own karmic situations. Something I no longer need to be present for if they didn’t want to stay, something they made very clear while voicing their distain for my presence.